Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
