remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
