I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
