So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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