A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
