Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
