it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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