i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
