she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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