In America we eat man semen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
