He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
