so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
