I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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