It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
