Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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