WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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