Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
