My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
