I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Boobs are out for the taking
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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