you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
