Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize