i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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