bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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