I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
