Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
