I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
