Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
