Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
