they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
