Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize