chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it's great music for shaving your balls
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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