his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
