He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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