I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
