i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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