I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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