had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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