If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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