no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
