i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
FUCK WHALES
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
