i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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