they need to just BURY HIM!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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