like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
