maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
even my farts smell like vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
