nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
3 2 1 whiskey
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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