who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
