I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
