my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
only you would photoshop your dick
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
