At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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