Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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