Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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