Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
