My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
