Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
