We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
