Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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