Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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