You can't motorboat a personality
I think I won the penis lottery.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
