its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
