Soap is not a condiment
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
