I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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