...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
