Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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