You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
pop tarts are not kleenex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
