EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize