It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize