"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
