I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
