I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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