sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
